painted walls

I tried to paint my walls
With fingers dipped
In different colors,
In different strokes.
But the walls still remained
A blank canvass
A blinding white.
And I ask myself
Do the colors fade?
Or is it the fault of my eyes?
And somehow I wished
The latter was true,
Even unbeknownst to me,
The color remains.

-MMC


My life in a nutshell.
Too sad, isnt it?

Ill try to write a poem a day (drafts on my phone), making yet another 365 project, which is a bit weird that I started out late. Anyway, I am, at the moment, inspired to write amateur poetry since I subscribed to anj_writings. She's good, really.

freestyle

My ears take the sounds

Of those joys and laughter,

Secrets and affairs,

Cries and pleas

And I wonder:

Have they heard them all?

When my mind drifts off

To another dimension

Where I imagine

I was the protagonist

Of another's story

And,

Where I shine the brightest

Among the infinite stars.

-MMC.

My first try of poetry after high school. Huh. I was yet again the listener. 

frrrrriiiiiday

here are some of the things i like and crave for right now. And seeing that I cant possibly have them at the moment, the least i could do is to imagine them on my head. *sulks in one corner*

crepe
Gateau de crepe
chocolate ice cream
marshmallows
non fat yoghurt
yakult
yakult green tea
yakult black tea
yoghurt based green tea
black pearls (yeah, i like to chew some)
!!!!!!!!!!!
writing them down was much better actually.
Oh Friday, why dont you be tomorrow already?

ANXIETY - fear of the unknown

I came across my other online diary and it seems that I really had many issues back then. Too much drama. Pffft, teenage years and raging hormones.

Well I really wished I were young once again, not having to think about when the reality will bite back. I really don't know why when we were kids, we wanted to grow up. Everything seemed so easy back then. Everything was possible.

If I wanted 'this' and do 'that', it just magically happens. I did even climb the scary mango tree that was rumored to be owned by a 'kapre'. I also did not back out when we played hide and seek late at night on the streets. I even challenged our kapitbahay to a fight when he bad-mouthed me and my friends. Seriously, I thought nothing would scare me off.

Nothing. Big word.

Yes, I admit that I'm a bit scared for now. Anxious is actually the right term for I do not know what exactly brings me to this situation. Well, I have an infinitesimal idea about it. Talk about show off. Hahaha. I recently learned that word from the book that I was reading. Err, I don't remember exactly from what story it came from, since I had read many books/stories (and when I say many, around 30-40. not kidding) since the board exams ended. And that's how I spent my time waiting for the results to come out. It's some sort of my defense mechanism. Pretty weird, huh? Spending the whole day locked up in my room, reading. Or even learn some new pieces in piano.

And now, that I brought that up, it's actually frustrating that I can't even finish One Summer's Day by Joe Hisaishi. I'm learning it for like two weeks now, but it seems that I am not progressing. The piece is actually easy and that makes it frustrating. Normally, I would only spend 2 weeks (school days included) learning a new song, like what I did in mastering Victor's Piano Solo. What the? Now I'm pretty sure playing the piano isn't my talent at all...

Oh, I forgot. I just hope that my parents would let me join my college friends this Friday. A good friend of mine is actually hosting a simple get-together plus dinner party. I'm already 20, and it wouldn't hurt them if they would just loosen their grip on me. Come on, I can already drive but they just won't let me. I mean, my dad. Talk about trust issues. And it would take another day for me to let out all my frustrations about that damn word - trust. I don't even think that is written on his vocabulary. [sigh]

Issues, issues.

Well I'm not writing this post so I could talk about my playing skills and chagrin. I'm actually trying to calm my nerves for my sudden anxiety, but it's doing the opposite. Anyway, I may have calmed a bit for babbling too much. I just wish that I won't be needing Benzodiazepams or SSRIs.

Oh Gerd help me.

Suck it up, Mich

This is it. maybe...

Im still having some doubts. Who doesn't? Though I've graduated and finally passed the recent board exams, my paper still looks blank. Honestly, I really dont know what path Ill take. Well, you could easily say that now's the time to move forth the direction everyone else in the same foot as I am goes. Or you could probably say that everything would fall into place. And definitely, now is not the time for me to sulk in one corner, thinking why and how I ended up like this.

Suck it up Mich, I always tell myself. It's partly my fault anyway. My mom actually reminds me everyday that Im nearing half of the race track. How would she know? We're not even on the same position. Tsss.

I'm really not sure. If really, our destinies are written in the stars, can I read it? I wouldn't mind having a quick peek. Then again, I came across a contradicting statement. "It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves". I am at loss for words.

If someone would be reading this, he might think that I'm crazy.

Why the sudden crazy outburst? I have no idea.